Hmmmm...

I've been mulling it over and have come to the conclusion that these:




...are probably not appropriate family christmas cards. :(

Serving is funny and not at all stupid

I think anyone who has ever served has at some point run into an awkward situation with a table. For me this happens often and in the form of sentences I expect to come flowing out smoothly instead coming out jumbled and out of order. For example, there was a table I was serving last night who seemed a tad impatient. When it came time for their bill, this is how I imagined the ideal conversation going:





Me: Here's your bill, thanks so much, sorry about the wait!
Table: No problem, we weren't really in a hurry anyways!
Me: Good then. Going to see the Grinch tonight?
Table: Yes, it should be almost as good as your service!
Me: Yes, it should! Well thanks again, and enjoy the show!
Table: We will! Here's a $500 tip for being such a charming conversationalist!







However, things did not go this way. This is what happened in actuality.

Me: Here's your bill, thanks so much!
Table: That's okay, you guys are busy tonight!

Me: Yeah, lots of people going out. You going to see the grinch musical or the game?
Table: The grinch musical.
Me: ....Should be good (struggles to think of something else to say about the grinch)...yeah I think it will be good.

This.

....

It's always depressing when the soles of your shoes look like this:



...and you put insoles in them and wear them anyway because replacing them is not a financial option. In short, I need new shoes.

A shocking revelation about humanity!

So last night amidst my ice cream and Rachel Zoe Project watching night (awesome) facebook chat pulled this thing on me where it messaged everyone who was online at the time asking if they "had a minute", and I think also for some people I think it was asking about an IQ test or something. Anyways, after resetting my password and all that (it got me to identify pictures of friends to make sure I was human!) I realized that it was kind of an unintentional social experiment, because A LOT of people who I never ever talk to/haven't talked to in years messaged me asking if I was okay/apologizing for missing my message. How nice is that? ARE PEOPLE STILL FUNDAMENTALLY NICE? I must have skipped over that part while I was busy writing off the human race.

I know this is old news but..awww

This makes me real happy. I know it was probably written with anti-gay sentiment, but somehow it's really cute to think of bert and ernie as a middle aged gay couple who take couples sewing classes and tend to their gardens.

Bert and Ernie are two grown men sharing a house and a bedroom. They share clothes, eat and cook together and have blatantly effeminate characteristics. In one show Bert teaches Ernie how to sew. In another they tend plants together. If this isn't meant to represent a homosexual union, I can't imagine what it's supposed to represent.

- Reverend Joseph Chambers on his radio show, 1994 [4]

And the latest in top model news...Tyra's an egomaniac!

As the cycles of top model go on, it has become abundantly clear that Tyra Banks's ultimate goal with the show is to make it as much about her as possible. This is seen in the opening here where the models are each shown once and she is shown 6000000000 times. She has also been doing this thing where, as she gets more and more into herself she's also been getting progressively stranger. Elyse seems to think this is a result of her talk show being cancelled, but I think it's a result of her being a crazy person.
But however weird and annoying Tyra Banks may appear, we can at least be comforted in ...SUPER SMIZE!

and of course, this man

How to be Alone

I like this video.

Oh, movember!

Who knew increased prostrate cancer awareness= increased rapist spottings?

People I hate on the ttc

1. Person who saves a seat for their knapsack/purse/briefcase/coat
This person feels that their personal effects take precedence over their fellow human beings. Therefore, they believe it is necessary that they take up the entire seat next to them just for their bag, or whatever else they happen to have with them. These people suck during rush hour. They are also closely related to
2. Person who sits on the outside seat
This person is so terrified of missing their stop or having to be inconvenienced by the people around them that they sit on the outside seat on the subway/streetcar/bus and act really annoyed when anyone has the audacity to ask for the seat beside them. Jerks. They are almost as annoying as...
3. The Hummer
No, not that you perv. I'm referring to those people (90% women between the ages of 45-65) who feel that they are adding to their fellow passengers' travel experience by humming to themselves. What they are unaware of is that this is really really really excessively annoying. Especially when you're stuck next to them in rush hour. I'm sorry, but when I can hear your humming over my music, there's a problem. But as bad as the humming is, it's nothing compared to
4. The escalator stander (on the wrong side/in front of)
This one drives me insane. If you want to stand on the escalator, fine! But is it really necessary for you and your escalator stander friends to take up the entire escalator so that the people who actually want to make the next train have to listen to their train come and go before they can get halfway down the escalator?! This is often the same person who gets to the top/bottom of the escalator and decides that this is the perfect spot to stop and figure out where they're going. Just...why? Why is it so hard to be lost and not in everybody's way? Getting off the subway and onto the bus or streetcar we have, finally,
5. Person who doesn't understand the logistics of getting off the bus/streetcar
This person may be new to the TTC, or they may just not be too smart, but they definitely are annoying. This person either a) doesn't realize that they are not at the stop yet, and will often step down aggressively until either they realize or are told that the stop is a block away or b) knows they are at their stop, but does not know that they have to stand down on the step to make the doors open. As time before the bus/streetcar leaves the stop ticks away, this confused person panics and starts yelling desperately to be let off, or pushes on the clearly locked doors in a last attempt to get off at their stop. This usually continues until about 10 people tell them to stand on the step, at which point they finally take the advice and storm down the stairs in a huff.

But...why?

So I was at Shoppers today buying some essentials and while I was in line I was witness to something that I've seen, and had happen to me, but can never figure out. Now, I understand that this particular Shoppers is pretty close to Korea Town, and that there are many Korean people there that can function in that area without speaking english, which is pretty cool. However, I always find it weird when people try to speak to other people in their native language when they KNOW that person can't understand them. I was in line, and there were three Korean ladies in front of me at the cash. The whole process took about three times as long as it usually does because all three ladies were asking question after question in Korean to the poor cashier who didn't understand any of it. Why does anyone think this will work? Is the cashier supposed to understand you just because you say so? I've had this happen to me by a table I was serving, and THERE'S NO WAY TO DEAL WITH IT THAT DOESN'T SEEM PATRONIZING. I have tried smiling and walking away and saying yes to everything but I'm pretty sure neither of these things are the best idea.